Just some cool stuff

Bad Attitudes and Hot Cellists

Well things have been a bit icky pewy yuck and due to not really having anything nice to say, I haven't spent much time here. As much as I'd love to just write it all down and let the pieces fall where they may, I realize that it would just drive wedges between people I care about. So, I'm going to ask that you bare with me as I muddle through biting my tongue in effort not to offend while still allowing some self expression to seep out the release valve. Meanwhile, here's a loverly song that sums up my general crummy attitude.

WARNING: THIS VIDEO IS A BIT RISQUE, DARK, AND CREEPY


Apocalyptica - I Don't Care Featuring Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace (Official Music Video)

Bitter Chocolates

Well here it is, what used to be one of my favorite days, Valentine's Day. I remember being a wee lass filled with bubbly giggles just thinking about Valentine's Day. I didn't even mind having to write the annual English report on the history of Valentine's Day, as a matter of fact I loved it. The beautiful story behind all these nifty heart shaped goodies that lovers exchange just made my heart smile. Then I married my husband, who although a great guy, is about as romantic as a colonoscopy. He even told me before we got married that he doesn't do holidays and felt that Valentine's Day was nothing more than a commercial rip off. So here in honor of my husband are your Anti Valentine's Day candy, card, and flowers. Enjoy!





FYI: I still wouldn't trade him for a box of chocolates, unless of course they're Godiva Chocolates or maybe even a really, really, large box of Ferrero Rocher. Oh and if you've been lucky enough to marry an anti-romance man like I have, just take his credit card and buy yourself something pretty, then have a girl's night out with your BFF.

Anyone Have Some Spare Prozac?

Sorry about falling off the face of the blogosphere for a bit. I'm still fighting with that "Life is way too hectic monster" that keeps nipping at me heels. I'm glad to report that I am still here even though my ankles are a bit bloody. Ewww, that was kinda icky. My bad.

I'm actually quite tired and am trying to keep myself from crawling into bed like an old worn out dog. Maybe if I SPRUNG into bed like a young spirited pup, that wouldn't be so bad, but Alas, I crawl. Anyhoo, tonight was CORN (Clean.Out.Refridgerator.Now) night and I scored the last of the Chinese food. Yeaaaaaah baby! So I get everything all ready and grabbed a fork and napkin. It was at this moment when I had a flash of all my freakish little habits. Actually, I shouldn't say ALL because they wouldn't all fit in a mere "flash", so we'll just go with some of them.

The first of which is my NEED to have a napkin when I eat. If I don't have a napkin, I feel oddly out of place and unable to actually enjoy whatever it is that I'm eating. This is even for things like cookies. As a matter of fact, I usually have an emergency napkin at my desk, just in case I decide to do a little techno noshing and need to blot my fingertips. I think maybe it started from my teaching the boys proper etiquette. They always had to have their napkins across their lap before we could start eating and if I ever caught them starting without one, I'd ask "how can you be eating if you don't have a napkin?". Nothing better than self inflicted psycho compulsions.

Another is my weirdness about having to eat with a fork. I realize that this is going to sound so very wrong to many of you, but I eat pizza, french fries, & fried chicken with a fork. Oh you should see me in action with that fried chicken, it's like a little poultry ballet (or so I tell myself, being as "ballet" sounds much better than "loony bin").

Then there's my germaphobe tendencies about washing your hands. I can't stand to have dirty hands. I don't mean like when you're doing hard work in the yard or fixing a car or something, but in your every day life. After you've turned the nob on six doors, or pulled your hair back in a pony tail, or blown your nose, or used someone else's keyboard, or gone to the bathroom for goodness sake WASH YOUR HANDS! Oh and in the kitchen I'm an uber freak! First, before I do anything, I wash my hands, then I get the required mixing bowls and utensils, wash my hands, get the food out of the fridge, wash my hands, open a cabinet to get spices, wash my hands, crack an egg, wash my hands, put item into cooking container, wash my hands, put it in oven/on stove wash my hands, remove item from oven/stove, wash my hands. Rather exhausting eh?

Lastly is hair and food. Seriously, am I the only person who gets grossed out by the thought of hair in my food? If you have long hair (meaning past your chin) and your are going to be within 5 feet of food in my kitchen then you WILL have your hair tied back or CUT OFF!!!!! This is one of the main reasons that I don't have my own show in Rachel Ray's time slot. I can't stand to watch those TV chef's cooking away with their hair just flouncing about. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. THAT IS SO NASTY! We're talking so nasty that it has to call Janet by "Miss Jackson". Wow did I really make that 80's song reference? Guess I've been married to Dan for too long, or maybe that's why he married me in the first place. Hmmm, I should go to the top of a loverly mountain and ponder that, but first I should wash my hands.

Snow Chicks and Toast

We woke up this morning and peeked out the window to see lots of snow. For those of you who've never had the joy of an Oklahoma snow, never, and I mean NEVER get into a snowball fight here. You see, Oklahoma snow isn't what the rest of the world knows as light fluffy snow, it's sleet cleverly disguised as snow. One pelt upside the head from an Oklahoma snowball could very likely send little cartoon birdies spinning around your head and leave you with a whelp the size of Utah.

Speaking of birdies, with the ground being all frosted over I tossed a loverly batch of rolls out for the birds and squirrels, just to make sure they had a little snack. One little squirrel sprinted over, snatched up a roll and raced back up the tree before the birds could hog it all. I just loved how he was using his fluffy tail as an umbrella.


After watching all the birds nibble on their bread, Miss Danielle said that she wanted to be a birdie and have snow and toast for breakfast and there was no way I could resist such a cutie patootie request. Being as our loverly old house leaks some serious cold air from under the cabinets, I wanted out of the kitchen as soon as possible so let me share with you my cheating version of cinnamon toast sticks.

First, cut the bread into strips with a pair of kitchen scissors. Please note that the quality of the pictures decreases as we go along due to my frozen toes wanting to get out quick!


Then scoot all the pieces together and give them a coat of butter flavored non stick spray and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar. Hey, everyone else got to stay home from work for a snow day, I think I'm allowed to slack a bit in the nutrition arena. Don't be hatin'.


Toss them into a 400F preheated oven and then turn off the heat while you cook the eggs (about 10 mins).


Pair them up with bacon pieces to make a nest for the egg yolk birdies to stay warm from the egg white snowflakes.

To make the birdies and snowflakes, I separated the egg yolks and whites and cooked them up omelet style. Once they were done I simply cut them with cookie cutters.

Freaky Friday - Revenge of the Pachyderms

Great googaly moogaly what the heck is wrong with people?! I think little baby elephants are unbelievably cute, but when some freakish person puts them into baby clothes it just makes them look a little....well....freakish. Look into those eyes. Oh sure they may seem cute at first, but then you pan out a bit and realize those eyes belong to some half elephant, half baby DNA mutation that could trample you while you're sleeping. The best part is that she comes with a pacifier that "fits right into the tip of her trunk". TRUNK???? Since when do pacifiers belong up one's nose? I'm not sure what kind of whacked out version of "Animal Planet" they're watching over there at The Ashton-Drake Galleries, but someone needs to send in an intervention STAT!

Just in case one of you has a secret mutated elephant/baby fetish here's the link so you can bring "Claire" home to be part of your family:

www.collectiblestoday.com

While we're talking about freaky elephant things. Here's a nice nightmare inducing clip to share with all the little ones in your life. My therapist thanks you Disney!

Life's For Sharing

This is just cool.

Insert Chicken-ish Title Here or Here Or Over There

It seems that I had one of those brain farts at the store before Christmas and bought some phyllo dough. Seriously, I have no idea why I bought this stuff. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderfully loverly stuff that is great for getting your blood flow pumping from trying to keep it from drying out as you frantically throw your dish together. I just don't have the patients to work with this stuff on a normal bases. So I've been trying to come up with ideas as to what to do with it. I also was looking for something exciting to do with a wee bit of cheese left from the block and a few pieces of cooked bacon that needed to be used and so Chicken Rolls were born {insert owooos and ahhhhhs here}.

First tip O'the day is instead of brushing melted butter between each sheet of phyllo, put the melted butter in a spray bottle and just spritz it on. Yes, I realize this little "ah ha" moment will change your life for the better and you just heard angelic horns blowing and the sun just separated the clouds and is now shining a rainbow through your front window. Feel free to name your first born after me.

Let's see...yes, Chicken Rolls. Take 3 lbs of chicken, toss in pot with a smidgen of your favorite herbs, fill with water just to cover chicken and boil for an hour or two, until the chicken is no longer pink and the bones are easily removed.

Strain chicken, while saving cooking water. Remove bones, toss back into cooking water and place back on stove to simmer for another hour. Strain bones from water (which is now broth) and freeze in 1 cup portions. Cut up cooked chicken and separate into 3 Ziploc baggies. Place 2 in the freezer and keep one for making the chicken rolls.

You can also cheat and buy 2 cups worth of caned/pouched cooked chicken and forget I ever said anything about putting chicken in a pot. I promise not to judge(or tell).

Now throw the cooked chicken in a big bowl. Add cooked bacon, chopped fresh spinach, shredded cheese and ranch dressing. Stir it all together while you pray that you're able to get the phyllo dough to roll up.

Place 1 sheet of phyllo dough on rolling surface, spritz with butter, top with another sheet of phyllo dough, spritz, repeat with one more sheet of dough. Now you have your rolling dough made from 3 sheets of phyllo. Was anyone else taken back to elementary school worded math problems?

Put a couple of large spoonfuls of the chicken mixture on the short end of the phyllo dough, fold long sides over mixture and then roll up like an egg roll. Put on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350F for about 25 mins.

CHICKEN ROLLS

• 2 cups chopped cooked chicken
• 1/2 cup finely chopped fresh spinach
• 1/4 cup crumbled bacon
• 1/3 cup ranch dressing
• 1 cup shredded cheese
• pkg phyllo dough

1. Mix all ingredients, except phyllo dough together in large bowl.
2. Stack phyllo dough in sets of 3 spritzing melted butter between each layer.
3. Place a couple of large spoonfuls of chicken mix on short end of phyllo dough.
4. Fold ends over and roll up like an egg roll.
5. Bake for abou5 25 minutes at 350 degrees F.

Thank God For The FBI

A friend of mine forwarded this to me the other day asking me if I'd check for her to see if it was real. This person sends stuff like this to me frequently and is truly sincere in her interest as to it's validity. First, I'll let you scan over it. We'll talk more in a moment.

--- On Mon, 1/12/09, FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION wrote:
From: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION Subject: F.B.I INVESTIGATION.To: Date: Monday, January 12, 2009, 10:42 AM
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: www.fbi.gov

ATTN: BENEFICIARY.

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation agents and EFCC and ICPC. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of $800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhe Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America.

We also notice that some imposter has been claiming to be one of our offices; I want you to stop anything you have with any of them and proceed with Mr. Paul Smith, is the only person in change of this matter.

All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of $496 USD which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union Money Transfer / MoneyGram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact details of the Agent whom will process your transaction from Federal Minister of Finance: We have agreement with the federal government of Nigeria that you must pay for the approval slip for them to confirm that you are the real possessor of this card.

CONTACT INFORMATION FEDERAL MINISTER OF FINANCE.
ATM CARD CENTRE
NAME: MR. PAUL SMITH
CELL PHONE: +234-70 8515 0758
EMAIL: info@atmcard-centre.com
CONTACT CODE 555

Immediately contact Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM Card Centre with the following information:

Full Name: Address:
City:
State:
Zip Code:
Direct Phone Number:
Current Occupation:

Contact code 555, use this code and contact Mr. Paul Smith because of the impostors in Nigeria. Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Paul Smith he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $496 USD for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay.

You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.

Once you have completed payment of $496 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact us back for more investigation for conformation of your ATM card. The both offices are working 24hours to get this project complete.

Federal Bureau Investigation
Robert S. Mueller III
Director, FBI
------

Now there are some slight give aways that tell us this is a fake. Just in case you, like my dear friend, need some help spotting them, let me point out a few.

1. The FBI knows how to use proper English.
2. The FBI has enough money to afford a spell checking program.
3. The FBI knows your name doesn't need to call you "Beneficiary" .
4. The Director of the FBI has other things to worry about than your $496.
5. Lastly, have you ACTUALLY talked to anyone claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria?

Glad we could have this little talk and I hope it gave you a giggle. The sad part is that there's still people out there falling for this mess. Now stay out of Nigerian banks!

Good Morning Muffins

I'm out of laundry soap (recipe here) and need to make some more, but I have been putting it off for a bit because as I have to hand grate the soap (UGH I miss my food processor). Being as we're down to the underwear with holes and the "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts, I think I better get me bum in gear and get to grating. But first I have to tell you about the fantastic muffins I made yesterday before church.

As I've said before I'm always looking to sneak in healthy good stuff wherever I can, and these little beauties are full of whole grain, fruity, fiber-tastic deliciousness. They are moist, tasty and even my hubby was sneaking them off the plate. He asked me today if I wrote down how I made them so we could have them again. I must confess a little tear of joy welled up in eye.


Good Morning Muffins

1 egg
2 tablespoons coconut oil
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 cup wheat germ
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 cups diced apple
1/2 cup shredded carrot
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup coconut flakes

Mix wet ingredients together. Add dry ingredients and stir just until moistened. Toss in fruits/veggies and mix together.

Batter doesn't rise much so fill muffin cups as full as you want your muffin to be.

Bake at 375F for 16 min if making full size muffins, 10 mins if making minis.

makes 12 regular or 36 minis.

******
Oh and if anyone has ideas on how to use up a pound of jalapenos, a cup of peach juice, and a dozen eggs please fill me in.

My fridge and I both thank you!