Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Anyone Have Some Spare Prozac?

Sorry about falling off the face of the blogosphere for a bit. I'm still fighting with that "Life is way too hectic monster" that keeps nipping at me heels. I'm glad to report that I am still here even though my ankles are a bit bloody. Ewww, that was kinda icky. My bad.

I'm actually quite tired and am trying to keep myself from crawling into bed like an old worn out dog. Maybe if I SPRUNG into bed like a young spirited pup, that wouldn't be so bad, but Alas, I crawl. Anyhoo, tonight was CORN (Clean.Out.Refridgerator.Now) night and I scored the last of the Chinese food. Yeaaaaaah baby! So I get everything all ready and grabbed a fork and napkin. It was at this moment when I had a flash of all my freakish little habits. Actually, I shouldn't say ALL because they wouldn't all fit in a mere "flash", so we'll just go with some of them.

The first of which is my NEED to have a napkin when I eat. If I don't have a napkin, I feel oddly out of place and unable to actually enjoy whatever it is that I'm eating. This is even for things like cookies. As a matter of fact, I usually have an emergency napkin at my desk, just in case I decide to do a little techno noshing and need to blot my fingertips. I think maybe it started from my teaching the boys proper etiquette. They always had to have their napkins across their lap before we could start eating and if I ever caught them starting without one, I'd ask "how can you be eating if you don't have a napkin?". Nothing better than self inflicted psycho compulsions.

Another is my weirdness about having to eat with a fork. I realize that this is going to sound so very wrong to many of you, but I eat pizza, french fries, & fried chicken with a fork. Oh you should see me in action with that fried chicken, it's like a little poultry ballet (or so I tell myself, being as "ballet" sounds much better than "loony bin").

Then there's my germaphobe tendencies about washing your hands. I can't stand to have dirty hands. I don't mean like when you're doing hard work in the yard or fixing a car or something, but in your every day life. After you've turned the nob on six doors, or pulled your hair back in a pony tail, or blown your nose, or used someone else's keyboard, or gone to the bathroom for goodness sake WASH YOUR HANDS! Oh and in the kitchen I'm an uber freak! First, before I do anything, I wash my hands, then I get the required mixing bowls and utensils, wash my hands, get the food out of the fridge, wash my hands, open a cabinet to get spices, wash my hands, crack an egg, wash my hands, put item into cooking container, wash my hands, put it in oven/on stove wash my hands, remove item from oven/stove, wash my hands. Rather exhausting eh?

Lastly is hair and food. Seriously, am I the only person who gets grossed out by the thought of hair in my food? If you have long hair (meaning past your chin) and your are going to be within 5 feet of food in my kitchen then you WILL have your hair tied back or CUT OFF!!!!! This is one of the main reasons that I don't have my own show in Rachel Ray's time slot. I can't stand to watch those TV chef's cooking away with their hair just flouncing about. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. THAT IS SO NASTY! We're talking so nasty that it has to call Janet by "Miss Jackson". Wow did I really make that 80's song reference? Guess I've been married to Dan for too long, or maybe that's why he married me in the first place. Hmmm, I should go to the top of a loverly mountain and ponder that, but first I should wash my hands.


Under the Influence said...

No prozac, but I can toss a lexapro your way!

Flibbertigibbet said...

Ha! My real obsession is washing my hands after dealing with bins. I cannot imagine taking the rubbish out and not washing my hands.

I worked with someone once upon a time and she dropped half of a large biscuit onto an open rubbish bag, then bent over, picked it up and ate it. I retched, it wasn't pretty.

On and btw, when I was a kid, we all had napkins too, my sister and I had matching Stephanie & Siobhan napkin rings. Really.
I love etiquette!

gigi said...

Hey Michelle, are you alright? As we were watching the news tonight, they mentioned Edmond had some of the tornado's had touched down around there. I pray for you and your community. Hope to hear from you soon.

gigi said...

Still would love to know if yall are okay???
Happy Valentine's Day!