Xanax: Shaken, Not Stirred

Blahhhh, it's uber late/early. I hurt. Can't sleep. Whaaaaaa. I'd poke Boo with a stick and make him hold me, but he's actually asleep which is a rarity at night these days. Oh look, it's Libby kitty. She loves me and will make it all better. Everyone should have a fuzzy wittle friend.

BTW, only one more day until my birthday. Should be an interesting one this year, because I haven't done my month long count down. I learned long ago that if you just take care of your birthday yourself, you'll never be let down. So about a month before, I tell everyone I see how many days until my birthday. On my birthday I get myself a B-day hat/pin/balloon/sticky note to wear so that everyone who sees me will know it's my birthday. I also greet everyone with "Hi! It's my birthday", I make/buy my own birthday cake and buy myself a gift. Yeah, I turn into a 4 year old on my birthday. I do so love them.

Back in the day when I was a work outside the house kinda gal I loved working on my birthday. I always told my clients to stop by for some cake while they were out and about and help me celebrate. It was like being able to have an all day party. Also, working as a hairstylist, you always got HUGE tips on your birthday (cake has that effect on people).

Not sure what's up this year. Guess it's just not feeling very well lately and the post op hubby and searching for a house and the whole having to move thing, and wondering if I'll go to jail for smacking my 18yr old son upside his head for being a....ummm...."unintelligent donkey". Oy!

Well, thanks for the shoulder. We should do this again sometime (only at a time when normal people are awake, hee hee).

I called him out! Now where's my toaster? (Now with pics!)

Ok here it is. I’m going to totally out my husband. Not “out” him as in: Welcome to the wonderful flaming world of Z snaps, yoga, dance whistles, and a deeper appreciation of Barbara Streisand. That honor has already been taken by my former husband who we will only refer to as “Powder” (yeah, remember the movie? That was him, only not quite as electrifying. Hmmm issues much?). Anyhoo, back to the good husband and my outing. Once you’ve had the chance to read his blog, Dansclan6.blogspot.com. you will see that he is quite the thinking man; articulate, worldly, conversant, a Thomas Crown type with less money and a Cali/Okie accent, if you will. I told him that I found it funny when I read his blog because he sounds so different to me, he also goes into this mode when he’s on the phone. Truth is that he is a very intelligent man who starts his day with The Drudge Report and web jaunts that sprout from related articles and much like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, he has another side. A side that is only shown to the privy few who can handle the beast.

You see, I have a theory. My husband was the youngest of 4 children, and I think we all know the role that is bestowed upon the youngest: the role of “test dummy”. You know those childhood ponderings such as: Are six shoelaces tied together strong enough to haul someone up to the tree house in a bucket?; Will your head explode if you mix 7-up with Pop-Rocks and drink it?; Are horse apples actually edible? Will you really see pink and blue spots if you lick a frog‘s back? What would Mom do if someone actually told her that her chicken casserole smelled like dog poo? Just like Mikey on the Life Cereal commercial, it’s the job of the youngest to do the testing for the world. Because of this bravery, devotion , and moronic trust in your older sibling(s), who would NEVER EVER steer you wrong, a few mishaps are bound to happen and coincidentally, a few brain cells are bound to be damaged and/or lost.

This leaves us with Dan’s “other” side. The silly goofy slightly skewed side that can make me laugh so hard I squawk like a pterodactyl while tears roll down my face. This side of him knows every line to Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail and both can, and WILL spew random scenes at you with little to no warning. The side of him that (before back surgery) could do an astounding rendition of Bert’s Pigeon Dance and sings The Beat Farmers’ song “Happy Boy” as if it was written solely for him. This is the side of him that makes me realize that if I was ever actually confined to a rubber room in a straitjacket, I’d want him there with me to help me pass the time by seeing who can bounce the highest off the walls. Although, if he doesn't stop playing/singing that "White Folk Gone Bad song", we may be there a LOT sooner than we thought.

So there you have it. My mild mannered, news reading, politic following, Reagan loving, hubby has a slightly skewed, truly hysterical, pigeon dancing, 80’s video loving, side that I was lucky enough to snag up before anyone could ban it for the betterment of mankind.

Here for your viewing pleasure is my hubby, Dan ..

aka"Sir Not Appearing in this Blog".

See why I love him? Oh and please note that yes, you do see a video of Devo playing in the background.

When White Folk Go Bad...

There really are no words!!!! Be sure to hang around until about 1:51 and make sure not to be drinking anything that you don't want flying out your nose.

Confusion, Thy Name is English

*The bandage was wound around the wound.
*The farm was used to produce produce.
*The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
*We must polish the Polish furniture.
*He could lead if he would get the lead out.
*The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
*Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
*A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
*When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
*I did not object to the object.
*The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
*There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
*They were too close to the door to close it.
*The buck does strange things when the does are present.
*A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
*To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
*The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
*After a number of injections my jaw got number.
*Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
*I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
*How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

*Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
*Boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
*If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
*By the way, how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

*How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
*Your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
*When the stars are out, they are visible. However, when the lights are out, they are invisible.
*When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

You like me! You REALLY like me!

My Californian Soul Sister at Delicioso Mama has bestowed upon me the honour of Brilliant Weblog. Naturally, I'm now speechless, which goes to show you my amazing blogging talent, hee hee. When I read that she had given me this award, I was surprised and simply had to poke my hubby with a stick. I'm pretty sure my initial comment was something like, "Holy cow, someone enjoys my rambling!". Honestly, my husband is probably the biggest fan of my blog. Not so much because he finds my entries amazingly enthralling, but more because I'll babble on to you guys and let him sit at his computer reading his political blabbity blah while wikipediaing 80's bands in peace. Ahhh, marital bliss.

All joking aside, I really do appreciate the award and will display it proudly! Now for the rules

The rules accompanying this award are:
1. Put the logo on your blog
2. Add a link to the person who has awarded you
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs
4. Add links to those blogs on yours and
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

Here are my top 7 that inspire me to laugh, cry, create, think outside the box, and reach greater heights. Thank you for letting me peek into your world. Remember, you never know whose life you're impacting.

http://jonijenkins.blogspot.com/

http://www.jannysplace.blogspot.com/

http://dansclan6.blogspot.com/

http://lorriscancerupdates.blogspot.com/

http://handy-crafts.blogspot.com/

http://lifeofaflibbertigibbet.blogspot.com/

http://www.doughmesstic.com/

Phew

The awesome news of the day is that my father-in-law is on his way home from the hospital as I type. He went into the hospital with chest pains and they found major blockage. They gave him a stint on Saturday and a temporary pace maker, then on Sunday they gave him a permanent one. I'm amazed that he gets to come home already. I remember when my grandfather went in for heart issues and was there for 2 weeks. Crazy how medicine has changed. I'm not even sure my father-in-law had time to blink after getting his pacemaker. Anyhoo, my hubby says he's doing well and is eager to get back to the comforts of home.

Can I borrow some brain cells?

I'm very tired and just getting ready to shut it down and skedattle to bed and I suddenly remember a strange occurance from last night. I was having really crazy dreams last night, of which I don't remember too many details right now. I do however, remember a little of one of them and it was a happy dream at first. Then some seriously intense, older, square shaped, lady showed up wearing one of those bad blonde wigs you see advertised in the Sunday coupon section of the paper. You know, like this one.... Yeah, now you see how things started to go bad. So anyhoo, bad wig lady was freaking out and I was trying to show her out the door. She just kept saying, "You have to get the boy," over and over again. My dream is getting really intense and I have little Mrs. Sponge Bob Square Wig by the sholders and am pushing her out the door. Suddenly she turns around, grabs my arm, and won't let go. Being the instant psycho that I am when someone physically threatens me, I bit her as hard as I could on her thumb. I then shoot right out of REM, sit straight up in bed and look down at the loverly teeth marks I've left in my own finger.

Yep, I'm a smart one. Thinking about wearing gloves to bed from now on. :)

Cornholio Visions

Basically, I'm just writing down my instant coffee recipe so I don't loose it (which is currently written in pink crayon on a post-it). I originally got the recipe from hillbilly housewife and after making little adjustments here and there, I found my perfect mix. Feel free to mix up a double shot and summons the spirit of Cornholio.

Instant Coffee Mix

1/2 cup instant coffee (or as my bff calls it: "poser coffee")

1/2 cup powdered milk

1/2 cup non dairy creamer

3/4 cup Ovaltine (stop laughing)

1/4 cup chocolate pudding mix

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix all together and store in airtight container. 3 TBS per glass of hot water.

Normally, I would mix all the ingredients in the blender to make a loverly powdery mix, but my blender, like my food processor, has gone to appliance heaven. Soooo, I'm stuck "whisking" it with a fork. Still drinkable, just not as pretty.

I WIN!

I have conquered the bathroom! All it's funk and gunk and germy germs were no match for my quest to reclaim my bathroom. I have to confess that I have a very peculiar affection for bleach. Yes, I realize that it’s not PC to love bleach and I know that all my Greenies will fire obscenities at me. I just can’t deny it. The aroma of bleach to me smells like clean, fresh, germ free happiness. It’s had its spell on me since I was a wee lass at me mum’s apron strings. I used to LOVE to bleach the kitchen. Once, I even thought I’d get it extra spiffy and follow up with some ammonia. EWWWWW, not a good idea. Fortunately, my mom grabbed me up, tossed me out of the room, explained that I could kill everyone within a 6 mile radius with the vapors and then took us to McDonald’s while we waited for the house to air. All in all, not a bad day. But, I digress, the bathroom is clean, sparkly, germ free and filled with glorious Clorox Clean-Up fumes. I shall now sit upon my bahootus and play some POGO for a bit as my reward for vanquishing the icky-pewy-yucks.

Then again, maybe not. I just realized it's lunch time and those munchkins get a bit cranky if you don't feed them. Strange huh? :)

Rain, Rain, Come and Stay!

Well, it's a loverly rainy day (yes I really love rainy summer days). By some great miracle the youngest are upstairs playing happily which gives me a few minutes to just sit here and enjoy my yummishious iced coffee. So I thought I'd say hi....HI!

I've been fighting with this sciatic nerve issue for a wee bit over a month. Not too cool considering my husband just had back surgery and needs me to take care of him much more than I need him to take care of me. It had gotten pretty bad, to the point I couldn't walk. Seriously, I had to crawl/slither on the floor just to get to the bathroom. Fortunately, we have an amazing family friend who is a massage therapist. This guy is uber cool and amazingly intelligent. In the 15 years that I've known him, I always learn something new every time I talk with him. Anyhoo, he's been giving me treatments and hooking me up with some natural medicines and it has done WONDERS! I was actually able to take the kids to the grocery store and do real shopping! That translates to about 1 1/2 hours of walking through the store and we all made it out alive and upright. Yeeehaw!

I tell you all this because my house has gone to pot being as I haven't been able to do too much. Thankfully, my mom (where would the world be without moms?) has come over several times to help me with laundry, vacuuming, kids, etc. so we're not completely snowed under, but it's still icky none the less. I'm trying to work on a recovery plan while still not going so far as to set me back to that slithering stage. Today I have 2 missions, sterilize the downstairs bathroom and do laundry.

Oh while I'm at it, let me share my laundry soap recipe with you:

2 cups grated Zote (laundry soap bar found in the laundry isle, regular IVORY works well too)

1 cup borax

1 cup washing soda (not baking soda, again found in laundry isle)

Mix well and store in airtight container. Use 2 Tablespoons per load. Really, that's all it takes.

I used to use my food proccesor to grate the soap and then mix everything up, but being as I overworked my proccesor, I'm left to grate it by hand. Let's have a moment of silence for my loverly food proccessor, may it rest in peace.

Just for funsies, here's a pic of our baby kitty Dakota enjoying the rain.