Thursday, September 11, 2008

Confusion, Thy Name is English

*The bandage was wound around the wound.
*The farm was used to produce produce.
*The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
*We must polish the Polish furniture.
*He could lead if he would get the lead out.
*The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
*Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
*A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
*When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
*I did not object to the object.
*The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
*There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
*They were too close to the door to close it.
*The buck does strange things when the does are present.
*A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
*To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
*The wind was too strong for us to wind the sail.
*After a number of injections my jaw got number.
*Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
*I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
*How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

*Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
*Boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
*If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
*By the way, how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

*How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
*Your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
*When the stars are out, they are visible. However, when the lights are out, they are invisible.
*When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?


Megan said...

That was an amazing post. I am going to email it to a few people who could use a good laugh.


An Apron Straitjacket said...

I'm glad you enjoyed it Megan! It gave me quite a kick too. I find it a perfect example as to why we have every right to just make up our own words. hee hee